R92

Start writing, she said. Without any plan or preconception. Suprise yourself, just see what comes out. What a bunch of crap. Who ever writes like that? Kids... well there it goes, she says herself that it's not working out any longer. What am I to do? I am no longer a kid. Maybe she is right, though, maybe I should just relax and write whatever comes to my mind. But it's not easy! What if my story bends. I did write like that once and then suddenly my story ended up in a ditch along the road. That's so frustrating. I mean, really... no one should write so recklessly like that. Seriously.

At the other hand, I am itching for writing. Without any plan or goal, just to write. Is that too much to ask? Can't a man just write and let go at the sweet flow that wells straight from the subconsciousness, without even pronouncing each word as I write them.

Because once I reach that level, it will be a different kind of writing, because under the treshold of conscioussness there are treasures hidden, naked people, spurting blood, kidneys and tallow, gosh how can I even start to explain this, you see, you shouldn't be ashamed of your subconsciousness that's why it's called sub-consciousness, because it's underneath, and yet it is strange how humans can neatly manipulate it, as if there is a band between consciousness and subconsicousness, maybe in ths band the things can be shifted...

Where do stories come from, at all? Deo they arrive from subconsciousenss or preconsciousness or unconsciousness? I'll never understand...