R93

Some people just don't have a story in them. They just don't. And they live without a story. They maybe have some anecdotes, but that's it. However, what is a writer to do if he or she has no story? That's hell, right?

I can't create a story. I feel empty. But not just empty, I feel like I have a leaking holes. It's not a tragedy if artist is empty. They can fill up. I don't claim it's an easy task, but it is doable. You listen to the classical music, or read good books, or go to excursion, collect the impressions. You get filled up. But when a man is hollow, full of holes, you know, then the story just leaks out. And if you are trying to be a writer, then it's pure hell. Stories just elude you, they wiggle out of you as if you were a rotten apple abanoned by even the worms.

So what else can I do, but record my dreams. They are the stories from the other side. I hunt them carefully. Gently wielding my net. But dreams are like creatures from the bottom of the ocean. Brought to surface they decompose with suprising speed. Rotting almost instantly. Then only the jellified bits remain. I try to stitch them together. Taxidermy them. Decorate them. Color with random colors, I have no idea what I'm doing there. Then I wait for them to dry and solidify. They don't turn bad. Almost the real thing. But they are not stories. I can sell them to a naive tourist, but not to real experts. I can't even show them to everyone. What if there is an expert among the crowds?

Sometimes even the dreams die. Sometimes they don't survive the journey to the surface. They remain without form. Like untold prophecies. Just hints. Some dull impulse.

And what if I told everything there is to be told? What if the whole story expired and there will no more be any. That's it. You had a pocket able to hold a single story and now it's gone. And you still want to write. Then you fill the void with anything, evn trash. Sure, the stories will be trashy too, but they will at least be stories, don't you think? Maybe there is something there... But what kind of writer am I, if I write trashy stories? Is that writer any better than the one who robs from his dreams?