R29

As soon as I stepped out of the house on to the porch, I ran down a few metal steps. Hurriedly turning to the right, towards the garage, I was stopped dead in my track, whacked by some thing. It was a knobbly walnut branch stuffing my face with leaves. I waved it away and ducked under the garage roof. My intention was to simply open the gate and walk to my car, but even the few steps were interrupted by slash across my upper arm. It was a chinese cherry tree. What could I do, but ignore the thin streak of blood trickling, so I entered my car and slammed the door. Goshdarn trees is haunting me all day every day. Take the peach tree for example. It spits on me, spittles, I tell you! So there I am in my hammock trying to relax, enjoying the soft rustle of the leaves. All of a sudden I'm sprinkled with some kind of watery spit. Pines just went dry. As if they simply willed themselves into withering, their needles turned to rock, cut like razors. I shiver when I think I'll have to uproot those bitching trees. Fig is on strike... she gave fruit once and never again. But at least she is not trying to injure me. The peach is the worst. Just as I lean and think I can move under the lowest branches, there comes another one out of nowhere and just whacks me. When the night comes, peach pulls my hair and knock my hat off my head. I feel trapped. If I move towards the shed, tree whacks me from the left. If I move to the yard it threatens me, so trying to avoid it I fall in the fir tree and got all pricked by the pine needles. There is a power cable there, swallowed by ivy, can't see it in the darkness, almost broke my neck tripping against it. I don't know why is the tree so evil, but I won't tolerate it any longer. From now on I'll break every branch that gets in my way. Heck theese trees better watch it or they will have war on their hands!